i wish! i wish!

i wish i still am the girl i was 13 years ago...

tak payah nak fikir mcm2 benda yg berlaku kat sekeliling nih. tak fikir langsung about anyting. ok maybe about what i will eat everyday,tapi definately itu saja. and if tak dapat jawab, people will just let it be and let me live and saye takkan dibebankan dengan semua questions yg org tanye.
if only. *sigh.

saye jarang rimas dengan org2 yg saye suka dan enjoy being with them, tapi when i say SAYA RIMAS, i REALLY99 mean it! so, please la..please...

"yasmin, u kat mana? dengan siape? buat ape?"

i know sometimes people ask because they care.tapi bayangkan, out of sudden, tak penah2 nak tanye all these to me selalu, tetibe je berubah (for whatever reasons pun i dono lah) and merimaskan saye with semua nih. ok, fine, i tried to be reasonable.

"oh hye -whoever-..i kat -wherever- ni tgh -whatever- dengan -whoever-..
kenape ye? =)"

replied dengan sangat bona fide dan put aside everything in my wild thoughts because i dont want to sakitkan hati anyone. alik alik saye yg sakit hati. *sigh lagi. ok, almost everytime i have to act stupid, act as if im cool with everything.act as if i dont know anything, just to jaga hati org yg kita sayang and care for. but somehow.it all begins lagi.



asking about my whereabouts just to make sure instinct dia betul.
that i la the watak antagonis in this drama.
yelah, for ur satisfaction, IM SORRY! DAH? CUKUP?? *sigh and sigh and sigh.



ape ni, who are we kidding with? mcm budak2..if u dont like something, come to my face and say it lah.i respect u kan so pls la jangan tear that respect, or else i have to build walls between us.a thick one.very thick.i dont want that..and sadly, i dont know if u think like me. *hurt.



saye tahu i can be emotional at times.tapi mcm da penat sikit nak layan kerenah mereka2 yg tak faham2.yg nak get things their way. yg nak see things go as what they believe it will be. nak tunjuk baik so that saye nampak tak baik.haih what la...and so happens that saye sangat respect dia dan sayang dan suka berkwn dan tak pernah fikir buruk pasal dia.




and...end up org yg i dont use to be sangat baik pulak yg ade for me to watch my back. to abg n adik and closest frens, korang jelah i turn to. thanx sebab menjadi protective towards me, i understand that its for kebaikan saye jugak. its really bad to say bad things about people tapi i have to share it jugak eventhough i tried not to. somehow this tense mcm da menjadi sangat banyak and hard to handle. Ya Allah please give me strength.



im tired


tired of being annoyed.tired of giving fake smiles even when i cant afford to smile.

"min, ur smile da lain.is everything ok?"



*to these people yg sedar of this thing, SAYE SANGAT SAYANG KAMU!! thanx for noticing!



hmm..tense bangun cepat utk pegi kelas, tense projek yg baru nak gerak, tense kelas admin and land yg mcm ta faham pape, tense gerun every weekends sebab ade kelas datin every monday, tense tutorial yg semakin berlambak, tense kwn2 yg da jadi pelik tak pasal2...



dah lah.cukup la tuh..i dont need anything more.dugaan betul masuk 2nd year nih.



to you, thanx for being there for me with all those encouragements yet cliche advices u gave me. you think im strong to face all these, i assure you, im not.please don't leave me.



to awk yg really have problem with me, please come and talk to me, im waiting patiently. knowing u, i know its not easy for u. tapi we'll sort it out.



to kamu yg can't stop making stories, please stop.put urself in my shoes and ponder sekejap. rasenye saye tak pernah kacau hidup awk.



to anda yg mmg mcm tak amik tahu tapi still stalk org, i have moved on an i will be thankful if u move on too.



-sorry taw if ade any of my words which might hurt anyone.you know i care-


Love,
saye

-----when Yasmin starts to write-----