my ramadhan memories

alhamdulillah, insyaallah tomorrow i'll be continuing my life as a muslim, in this upcoming ramadhan. ramadhan, the month that muslims fast and the month where the devils are believed to be tied up so that the humans will not be disturbed to perform ibadah. alhamdulillah, i'm 22 and i have the strength to perform this one ibadah that comes once in a year. some people my age still have difficulties to fast, and some of them also had lost the nikmat to fast due to illness and what not. thank you Alllah.

everytime ramadhan comes, i'll always look back to my previous ramadhan, just so that i can correct myself, so that the upcoming ramadhan will be better in many sense, insyaallah :) i am not perfect, sometimes i forget. sometimes i'm too driven by things, by feelings. for that, i always seek forgiveness and i seek strength to overcome those feelings. its funny how things evolve too quickly. but i also can't forget the days when i started fasting- that was back when i was in standard 1. yeap, i started early, that was because my parents would always offer some incentives, to teach us(my brother and i) to fast. and back then, my brother and i would always compete to get the most amount of incentives ;) that actually motivated us to fast, of course at that time i was not able to complete all 30 days, but that prepared me for the ramadhans after that. and the next year, it became more motivating, as my younger sis also joined us for puasa :)

i remembered all of us started to fast for the whole ramadhan when i was 9 years old. yeap, at that time i can only sabar and make myself busy to avoid thinking about food, and during the recess time, i was so happy when teachers praised me for fasting, unlike my friends back then. i can still remember how i eyed a friend's roti kaya because i was too hungry, but when a teacher came to me and praised me for being so strong, my crave for food shut down that instant ;) see, the power of compliments.

as i grow older, i automatically understand that fasting during ramadhan should not be because of the rewards that others will give me, but the rewards that Allah will give me and my family. and i'm the type of person that will do anything for my loved ones, so when an ustazah told me that my family will get pahala as well, that motivated me to fast :) and i started to understand the responsibility to fast when i *ehem. get my periods. no money involved since then- except for baju raya and stuffs la hehe :)

but really, fasting is related to what we have in our minds. that you won't feel hungry, that you want to upgrade your ibadahs, that you would try so hard to avoid from kurangkan pahala puasa, that you won't eat eccessively when you break fast. i mean, as we grow a year older, fasting during ramadhan should be something that you're immune to, that you can handle just like that *petik jari. and insyaallah, to those who still have difficulties to fast, this is the time to actually challenge your minds. and mind you, we are not getting younger, and life can't be so long nowadays. so, try to make the best out of this ramadhan alright? i myself hope and pray that this ramadhan will be better than last year, in many sense.

have a blessed ramadhan everyone! :)

*this will be the ramadhan that imran and i won't spend together, close. no sahur together, no berbuka together. we skyped yesterday night, and reminisced our last ramadhan together, and decided takpelah, kurang sikit dosa insyaallah. itu buat saya lebih sayang, tahu tak? <3

p/s: we make sins everyday. no doubt on that. so why not benefit this ramadhan to tebus balik our sins? insyaallah.

yours truly,

yasmin

i believe souls do meet elsewhere

there are times when you meet someone, you just feel like you have known them for such a long time. the talks, the same interests, the bond. masyaallah. sometimes i'm amazed by the gift that the almighty had blessed upon me, to have met all the beautiful people, that makes it worth it to be kept as a friend, insyaallah forever. and i do believe that the almighty had set the time for us to meet a certain people, at a certain time. and i'm glad, i have not diverted from this belief.

i believe souls do meet elsewhere :)

smiling,

meen

our tigers actually roar better than lions

HARIMAU MALAYA.

#khairulfahmi #harimaumalaya - on twitter, this hashtag i still trending until now, at this moment i'm typing this post.

as i had mentioned in my previous post on chal-see, i've never been a big fan of football. never. but what i didn't mention is the fact that i do watch football once in a while, and when the circumstances forces me to do so ;) and i also did not highlight the fact that when i do watch football, i watch it emotionally. haha. i'm a girl, sue me :P i do watch football sometimes due to anxiety of the chase, but most of the times, its the players that catches my eyes. again, i'm a girl, sue me :P

the world cup qualifying match between malaysia and singapore has ended, and yeah, malaysia lost by 2 points. that's a well known fact. personally, i think our defence team should have been more alert and effective, that those boys should have marked who to follow and defend, so that the opponent won't be able to get into the box so easily. i admit i almost cursed whenever the opponent got one-on-one with that one handsome-bergaya-sepet-charismatic-skillful #khairulfahmi, and whenever he saves the ball, i shouted with joy. i honestly, he is one of the best goalkeeper a team can have, but reality is, football requires hard works of the teammates, not individual skills. be it a one-on-one moment like the penalty, #khairulfahmi would be able to amaze the world with his skills. i actually hoped for that, i had hoped that the tigers can score more, or the same points, so that they can have that penalty thingy at the end of the game. safee sali would have been great, and amirulhadi would have been marvellous. sadly shahrul didn't play that night. things would have been different.

i don't talk about football a lot. in fact, i don't even understand the ''offside'' concept- i always bug the guys to explain about it when they are watching a game. i got it at that point, but immediately forgets about it later, and will ask that same question each time i watch a football game. yes, i can be THAT annoying. but you can count on me to list the names of hot-looking footballers, yeah i can handle that ;) the truth is, i start to really take note on this game since imran and i got together, because he is a big fan of it. you can't say i didn't try syg ;)

back to my point, it doesn't take an expert to see that our defence was a little off, and it doesn't take an adult to realise that the lions played unprofessionally! it was as though the lions just tried to kill time by falling, and that must of course put pressure to our tigers. the tigers played honestly, and the lions won't go far with that attitude, mark my words. so, in conclusions, our lions roar better than lions, and the lions can only meow aimlessly.

i'm proud of them boys :)

aauuummm!!

p/s: the hitam kuning song won't get of my mind, idk why. haha.

merely a spectator,

me

everybody loves balloons

To reach the ones we truly love, to be by their side, we need to show how much we care through various means. Sacrifices, gifts, compromise, romantic gestures, words, a look; are just some of the things we do for those we love. We've all made "balloons" for someone.

- David Choi

hey you, i always pray to have my tomorrows and the days after that with you. i love you.

yours truly,

me

i ought to know

this dilemma i'm facing, its like no other. maybe they were right after all. i've been trying, but i don't want to be the only one. yesterday a friend actually posted a video to me, just because she thought i could learn something from it. i did. i cried. not because its not a really a sad video, but because what happened to that video has something related to whats happening to me. the stages. oh they were so clear. the arguments. they were so true. its like i can imagine myself being in that girl's situation. the only difference being, she was a very confident, brave and determined person. i am not like her. not yet. deep inside i realised something. i did. but i'm too scared to take the next step. or. i don't want to feel the hurt again. i don't know. maybe i'm just a coward. i've never been this insecure before this. not that i remember.

i talked this out. i got their opinions. but deep inside i know what i want, i know what i can do. and at the moment, i'm not ready to take any step. if you think i'm being stupid, then stupid i am. it was so unacceptable. so rude. so immature. and its as though i'm not important. not anymore, at least. i realise all that too well, too clear by now. as though i'm good for nothing. as though i've never done anything right.

p/s:

yasmin taknak bercakap mcm org takda pegangan. i know prayers is all it takes. i believe prayers can do magic. and i know Allah has something in store for me.

i need strength,

me.

spread the message

Dear Smokers, please get a plastic bag and cover yourself whenever you want to start smoking to enable you to enjoy the smoke 100% by yourself. I don't want any percentage of it nor do my friends who don't smoke. Don't kill me if you want to kill yourself. Copy and spread this message to support the keep-smoke-away Campaign.

found this on the net, guess its wise to share it here :) see more at wongfuproductions.com :)

:)

chal see? :)

in case you guys are wondering, 'chal see' means lets see. its hindi and english btw ;)

so i guess it ended. oh maybe i forgot to update you guys on this, i decided to surprise my imran with something he loves- chelsea. by that, i mean i got him 2 chelsea-malaysia match tickets, plus a chelsea jersey :) nothing much, just because i thought he would love it. a dear friend, mr kang zarul irwan, a chelsea fan himself, got the tixs for me, as its all sold out in kuantan. i bought him two tickets just in case he wants to go with his friend, but that night he received the parcel, he immediately asked me to come along with him. and hey, just so you know, that was my first football game at a stadium :D

training session

the game

i had to borrow kak iza's harimau malaya jersey ;) erm. i'm not much of a football fan, but i can tell that the game was erm. disappointing. for both teams. honestly, both teams should have played better.

yeah, i guess at the end of the day its not really about the game but the time that imran and i spent together, going through the massive traffic in front of the stadium, walked quite far because we parked quite far, the feeling i had back then with so many people around i thought i might just faint if not for imran's strong grip of my hand, he didn't let go even once. walking through a flood of humans with loud noise playing in the background, the trouble to search for seats in the middle of so many souls in the stadium, and finally sitting calmly catching our breaths as we shared a melted orange cadbury zip :) so, yeah, its all worth it :)

muhammad imran, i hope you had fun, because i did :)

p/s:

if only i have piper's powers, i would freeze the time to see if the ball really got into the goal. coz i saw that it should be a safe. and him, he told me that tak boleh appeal, once the referee says in, its in. and that hitam kuning song, its stuck in my head.

yours,

yasmin

the power of words

currently i am 978.27 kilometres away from the boyf. i am in kuching, sarawak and he is safe at home in petaling jaya, selangor. and i can't wait to see him soon, its been too long. 23 days is a long time, excuse me for being too spoiled.

dear love,

the last time we see each other, i thought it would last for a month. i was wrong.

the last time we talked on the phone, i thought it would last for a week. i was wrong.

the last time we texted, i thought it would last for a day. i was wrong.

what are words,

if you don't mean them

when you say them

what are words

if they're only for good times

then they don't

there's a reason why i wrote those words here, love. and i know you would understand, just because you know me too well already to not feel what i feel. as you said, when i got all emotional, you will get all emotional too. and words, they can be very powerful- it can inflict pain, and it can also remedy pain.

happy 21 months my imran

p/s:

if you must know,i waited until midnight. and no, i won't accept that same old reason. it has been this long, you should have learnt something.

love,

yasmin

i wish i had not done it

today, i had this sudden feeling of running through my emails. i don't know why. but that's what i did. i started from the earliest email i that i got. and i smiled. slowly, that smile turned into a straight face, and next, i realised mata dah start berkaca. 2007. a year that i will never forget. no matter how wonderful my present days has been, with imran and all, i just can't let go of that one particular memory. too hard to swallow, i did anyway. too hard to let go, i tried anyway. in my mind, this thought kept playing- would it be different now? and i can't answer that question. another thing that came accross me was, how funny life can be. its like between a line, on day you might be standing at the bright side, and the next moment you already fall to the dark area. funny indeed. well, i didn't delete all those emails, just so i would remember every single thing that those people did, so that i would be thankful that the almighty had shown me earlier, what might happen in future. call me bad, but i still fail to respect those people who didn't respect me. i tried to forgive and forget. i did try. but until now i have not succeeded in my trials.

p/s: i hate it when i'm having period and feel like eating everything that i saw on telly. food porn. blurgh. can't believe i actually used that 'p' word.

reminiscing,

me

tell me what makes a man

tell me what makes a man. i mean, what really makes a man? is it the way he treats you, or is it the amount of cash that he splashes away just for you? naah, that's a little too narrow don't you think so? well, let me tell you how i define a real man.

when i sulk or come out from my room with a sad face, immediately my mum would know i am sulking with imran. if i am extra happy, jumping with joy, singing while ironing, she immediately knows its imran that makes me really happy. i guess its a mother's thing ya know, to detect the differences that happens to her children who have someone else in the soft spot in the heart, besides the biological ones. abang not excluded. i must say, my siblings, we don't hide our feelings well. but my mum, she knows her children well. and she is our best friend, and i truly mean it :)

at random times, my mother would say this. a woman would always seek the attention of her man, that's just natural. at the early stage of the relationship, the girl seeks for her guy's attention, and has to fight with his friends. when they get married, she fights with his family and friends. when they have kids, she has to fight with his family, their children and his friends. all those dissatisfactions and tears, just to get his attention. somehow the battle will get tougher, as that very creation of god is somehow not sensitive enough to realise that his woman needs his attention no matter what. yes, that's just natural- for both of them. so when one complains, the other should listen. that's the beauty of love between a man and a woman. i couldn't agree more.

in my life, i am grateful and i feel blessed that i grow up in a family that is very much happy and harmony. so i get to see my papa as an example of what a man should portray. the most important criteria, a man should portray what a man should be like. sounds complicated, but really, its not hard to understand. i would like to share my experience, having a great man to be my father- because it actually teaches me on how to define a man. papa never neglects his children, never not come home even for one day, if he is not caught up with work outstation. and mama, will wait for him until he comes home no matter how late it is. now it gets easy for her as she now plays the sims 3 on our laptops, to kill time and stay awake. cute, no? :)

i remember when i was little, my sister and i would sleep in my parents room, just because we are scared to sleep in our room, so we will sleep on the floor. i never heard a 'no' from him everytime we get all spoiled, not even once. and the best part is, he would let down one hand to us, so that we can hold it until we fall asleep :) i guess its just our thing, now nina has that habit of holding hands while sleeping. he knows his girls well, i must say.

all my life, i've never ever heard papa raise his voice to any of his children. never. he approached us with patience. when something goes wrong, he discussed it. this is indeed a really good way, so we are not scared of him, but we respect him. on top of all, we never hear our parents argue. alhamdulillah, that makes us what we are today. he wakes up early every morning, as he always reminds us that, kalau bangun tengahari, mcm mana rezeki nak masuk? so we actually carry this discipline until now, and i hope until forever. ok fine, i admit, sometimes terlajak jugak but itu kadang2 je.. ;)

another thing that papa always do would be, he would check up on his girls when we go to bed. this always happens when he came home late at night and assumes that his girls are already sound asleep. well, anis and i are still awake sometimes, but we had to pretend to be asleep, just to play along so that his efforts to be all sweet and loving will not be wasted ;) in fact, yesterday, he came home at about 2am, and when i heard his voice, i pretended to sleep, and as expected, he came straight to our room, pull the door a little bit so that only some light would go in, and he looked at us three on the bed, for some odd seconds. yes, this has not changed, even now when i'm 22 and anis, 21 :)

so readers, i guess this would be some criterias that your wise minds can think of on how a man should be, no? not gonna list down one by one, because i believe when we think, we remember more.

suddenly an tv advertisement came to my mind.

"lelaki, dia tak sempurna. tapi sebab tu saya sayang dia"

i guess, behind that imperfection, there's an amount of effort that a guy actually makes, to make it less imperfect :)

p/s: i miss my imran.

yours truly,

yasmin mohamad

do you?

its not like you don't know what you got yourself into