forgetting yesterdays

we may think we have left the past behind, but it always has a way of catching up to us. though we might want to run away, we are forced to confront our past and the secrets that it buried must come into the light. and then if we are strong, we might be able to move on. yes, we all need to leave the past behind and move on towards the future. and if we are lucky, we will have help in getting there.

sincerely,

me

tick tock, ticky ticky tock

i am officially his alarm clock. no, not the nice, humble, type. no, not like the one in Disney's Beauty and the Beast, Cogsworth. i'm slightly an annoying version of him. but i thought that's how an alarm clock should be, annoying ;) its that feeling you know, when your alarm clock won't stop making noise until you really have to wake up from the bed and shut it up. hee. and i believe everytime i called him to wake him up, i succeed. (despite the times when he went out of his room and sleep in the living room later) i give myself a 7/10 for being a good alarm clock. i'm new. i'll learn ;)

p/s: now how many points would you give me, baby? ;p

yours,

min

an august partner

look into the calendar, look into the calendar. its the 16th of august. alhamdulillah :) i remember the last time i write this kind of post last month, i was in kuching, all emotional and somehow broken because he didn't remember our monthliversary. no, let me correct that. he didn't remember because he was not on track of dates, just because he is like that and has been like that since forever. so i can't totally blame it on him. he didn't even remember important dates like birthdays and registration dates- so how can i possibly blame him for not remembering our monthliversary date. but one thing that he should be credited for would be his efforts to remember sometimes, such as marking our anniversary date in his phone calendar. i've seen it before, accidentally. and i thought that was sweet :')

getting comfortable. this is indeed a hard phase. not because we don't get along, but because we get along so well, too well maybe that sometimes we may tend to take each other for granted. everyday before i go to sleep, i talk to myself. i try to figure out how my day was, how we acted towards each other on that very day. sometimes i feel like i'm not giving enough, and at other times i feel like he is not giving enough. honestly, i feel like we have passed that phase of texting every now and then, asking 'awk tengah buat ape?" or "hari ni bangun pukul berapa?" now i remember what awin told me not too long ago, i even posted it in my previous post but i can't remember which one. hehe. she said something like, ''nanti in future you guys takde nye nak text selalu, tanye ape dia buat smua tu, nnt u akan tau sendiri without asking" indeed, its true.

well this phase i'm in now, is definately one of the hardest but one of the best, too. simply put, we don't have to impress any of us that much anymore, but still we can feel the care and love from each other. and the fact that when we ever fight, we try to settle it before we sleep, just because we both know that both of us will get all emotional and disturbed if either of us got angry earlier that day. well, i must say that my boyfriend is a very considerate guy, despite the days when he really lures me to punch him on his face :P but yeah i'm thankful. even when he said something but he doesn't mean it, i'll detect it that instant *petik jari* and he will admit it later. this goes vice versa. there are also times when he wouldn't know know to deal with conflicts and he couldn't deal with his own emotions, and as a short cut, he'll just leave me broken. but he didn't mean it to be that way, trust me, i know. another thing that i know through time is that there's a sensitive guy behind those ego and those rebellious attitude, that it challenged me to find him and love him and grow strong together, that's what i mean by getting comfortable. alhamdulillah. we've survived so many things, so many crisis together. please pray that we'll stay strong, we still have a long way to go.

1 year and 10 months, still strong :)

i ♥ you imran

p/s: when i logged into my facebook account this morning, at the right corner of my profile there's this one little box on the upper side which states, "my status on this day in 2010" and reads; "Yasmin Mohamad: rain rain go away, come again another day" :P when i refresh my webpage, a slightly similar phrase came up at the same corner which states, "previous status updates on this day in 2010" and what appeared was, "Imran Osman: 10 months, still strong, Yasmin Mohamad". that made me smile :)

love,

me

no, you don't need a club to do charity ♥

hye all. for those who don't already know me, my name is yasmin. for the record, i am a people's person. i love to deal with people and i love making friends. guess i just have that positive vibe among people(mostly. heee) but if you must know, there's one side of me which can be quite a hassle sometimes. i click with most of the people that i meet, but sometimes there are also times when i first meet someone, i already know that i can' get along with that person. but i tried to make attempts to get to know that person, but most of the time, my efforts do not produce positive results. well, people differ, maybe that's why. yeah. RARELY, but it happens. you know what i mean? of course you do.

when i first stepped into the law school, i knew that i was going to make more contacts for future purposes. and i promise myself to collect as many experience as possible, before i step out. i remember during my orientation week, i was really attracted to a program at the faculty, called C.O.P or Community Outreach Programme. i was more driven to join that program and to become an educator because my buddy Im was a person with a strong position in it. *dlm hati, ada geng la nnt, takkan rasa out of place. ada org jaga* and the founder of that program is Kak Tinot and Gary *really, this is indeed gonna be awesome ;)* so a few of us signed up for that.

C.O.P has good goals. to educate the less fortunates. some kind of social work. yes, i was attracted mainly because of the aim of the program. but i must admit, i didn't stay long in it nor my close friends, because we thought somehow it restrained us in many ways, and we can't handle the pressure of being told to do things. trip after trip, i feel like i'm just doing what i was told to do, and slowly i lost view of my early intention-to help. it felt more like a responsibility rather than sincere help. i'm not saying that its a bad way to handle a group of this kinds, but it doesn't work for me. so, i left and didn't feel bad. the only thing that i feel bad about was the judgemental people who thought that we were unfit to be in it, when the real problem is not us. and as everybody knows, everybody seems to be satisfied when asked, but they talk bad at the back. no, i'm not like that. so i made a decision to quit. having said all that, its still to me, a really good programme, and perseverance is what every member needs to have. this is what i think, personally and i speak for myself only. i respect those who stays, but i don't blame those who left either. you just don't know how it feels until you feel it yourself.

when my friend nadia hanim invited us to do some charity works, its like a good call for me. i've always wanted to do good to people, and i still have that in heart eventhough i'm not a member of any social works groups. but nevertheless, i realised that i don't need to be credited for the good things that i do. that's not how things work. no, thats not it. and this trip we went to yesterday morning, was an eye opener. orphans, they really touched my heart. they got attached really fast, and that's the hardest part, because we have to leave later. and before we left, the youngest orphan who was an 8 year old girl nearly made me cry, and i believe everybody saw how attached she was to me and some of my friends. masa nak balik, dia berlari to me, salam and hugged me, she said "tak puas la main dgn kakak, tak puas la cium kakak." at that time my heart dropped. terharu pun ada, happy lagi banyak. she is of the same age with my angel nina, and i guess what makes me really easy to handle her antics was my experience i have, handling nina. its a bonus to me.

sent nadia home, and when i got back home, i hugged nina really tight, kissed all over her face and told her everything about what happened. nina was a litle bit jealous i see, thats just logic, as she never had to share me with anyone else kan, even when i got serious with imran pun she started to make sad faces if i ever told her that i want to hv a long phone call with him, or skype. so that's how she rolls, basicly. the bottomline is, appreciate the people that you have around you because you just don't know when they will be gone.

p/s: the wordly matters, you should compare it with the less fortunate ones. you'll definately be grateful with what you have and can never complain.

hugs and kisses,

min

habit turned hobby

since i was little, i have always loved to write. i remember when i was about 12, i started to work on a short story(without anyone's knowledge) and decided to send it to a magazine, with the hope that it would be published. yes, i went that far just to make people read what i write. so as you can see, blog is a way for me to express my thoughts and feelings, but of course, only to a certain limit. another fact that you might want to know about me is that, since forever, i have this weird habit of having random thoughts. if i'm too lazy to write on a papers or to on my lappy, i would type whatever i have into my phone so that i won't forget to post in in my blog later. again, yeap. thaaaaat weird. so actually if you look into my message folder, you'll see a lot of drafts. well, actually, my beloved phone can make me post things to the internet easily, but i find it more satisfactory if its typed using a lappy. so this weird habit of mine, is now a hobby. now. if only i can be clever enough to get some kachings out of this one. anyone willing to help? :) you know how to contact me :)

p/s: coz its one time too many, i choose to do what makes me happy :)

*thank you all for responses via fb message. i'll reply asap, ok? :) good day! :)

yours truly,

yasmin

mummy knows best

this morning i acted like a kid. no, really. my eyes were too heavy to wake up for sahur that it took my mum two good calls and a few knocks on my bedroom door to make me realise it was 5 in the morning. all she had to say was.. "min, mama buat lempeng dengan kari daging" and *ting* i automatically got off bed. until now i still wonder how that word, 'lempeng' drove me to be concious. that, or mothers just know how to fish their children.

p/s: the last time i was driven by food to get out of bed was back when i was 11. and that same feeling came up again this morning, now that i'm 22. how. erm. immature.

sincerely,

yasmin

lets talk about feelings

a man's feelings is a plank of wood. it takes fir to burn it. a girl's feeling is a stack of glasses. tap one and all will shatter at once.

-yunazarai

when you love someone, you must love everything about them, including their weaknesses.

rescue me. not.

hye darlings, how have you been? :) before i proceed, let me kindly tell you that this post is not entirely of my own, i got this from a reading material, that i believe i should share some relevant points here. however, i will write with my own words, based on my own experience. and this is gonna be long. so buckle up ;)

since i got into a serious relationship, i can't help but to think that time changes people. time changed me, and time changed him. time changed both of us. for the better, of course. but there are also times that i would immediately think he is not the person that i knew back then, someone different. someone i don't know. there, there. isn't it obvious to you that i'm more of a static person, who actually do not comply with changes? yeah, that's what i think about me, too. however, i came to realise that the changes in myself, and the changes in him, is actually a big sign and proof that we are getting to know each other better, the process of getting comfortable with each other. besides, if you can't accept the worst of the person that you love, how on earth could you think that you deserve the best of him? well, logically, a change is indeed essential.

alright now, lets not use me and him as an example. we are too young, too immature and too new in this. lets look into a wider perspective. lets look at long lasting couples, solid couples around us. those old couples that we always see in the park, holding hands even when they're sitting on a bench, those old couples who seems really happy with each other, that they do not need to speak to communicate, they do not need to put their hands all over each other just to show how much they love each other. to me, that's the beauty of an honest, solid relationship.

a healthy relationship doesn't have to be all about the two people involved. it should be built rooted in comfort and trust, eventhough not displayed in conspicuous ways. i myself always believe in true love based on movies and fairytales, but as i grow in time, i become more practical and rational, that fairytales are meant to be fairytales. life is not always a bed of roses, but as long as there's honest love, it will be worth living for. imran said to me once, ''you can't expect what we had last time to be here now and you can't expect what we have now, we would have it 7 years later. but you must know that i love you and it will remain that way, i love you no less." to me, that was really direct and i hated that, but, that got me thinking, really.

solid relationship equals to a healthy relationship, and in a healthy relationship, you should be able to socialise solo. i get to go out on movies with my friends, and he gets to play futsal with his friends. easy, shows that we respect each other's private lives. just because we are together, doesn't mean that we don't have our own lives, no? honestly speaking, if we never did things separately, we'd probably drive each other mad. even we sometimes can get bored with our own shadows, what more with other people. when you're confident about your partner's commitment to you, you don't need, or want to be together constantly. it does actually, tighten the bond between couples. ask me, i'm in a long distant relationship right now. friends ask me how i do it, how could i not care. honestly, there's not even a moment when i don't think about him but this is something that both of us have to deal with, and after a while we don't see each other, when we actually go on a date, the feeling is superb. seriously :) kan bee? :)

lets look deeper, shall we? its rather silly to deny the fact that there are a lot of good looking people in this world we live in. i admit that sometimes i also tend to check out other attractive people around me. no, not that kind of 'head-to-toe-ooh la la' stare, but just a mere look, like how the wind passed our faces. you know what i mean? and i'm a girl. and correct me if i am wrong, guys do it more often. its a gender thingy you see, like of course everyone knows that guys are more attracted to what they see while girls are more attracted to what they hear and read. oh, thats just normal, thats just honest. but guys, having all these said, it doesn't mean you can go around flirting when you're already in a relationship. that's just common sense, here comes the word 'respect' in a sincere relationship.

there are times when my boyfriend would praise any attractive lady who walks by, and i can't say that i feel nothing, but to me, if he were to do it, he should do it with me, together with me. lets have that 'lets compliment pretty ladies and tough hunks together' time. yeah, it would be better if he doesn't at all :P and believe it or not, i will not deny it if i think a lady is attractive. i would be lying if i don't feel jealous whatsoever. even we had a big fight on that issue not too long ago. he also, would make faces and instantly got out of mood if i were to compliment other guys' appearance, he would tell me that he feels insecure. so again, that's just fair to us both. but through time, we learn that our feelings for each other is true and sincere, and as long as there's trust, i believe nobody else can replace any of us in our hearts ;D *wink!

confrontations. its the key to a healthy relationship. every couple have problems. lets not be too shallow and deny that fact. what determines how long the relationship can go on depends on how well you handle the conflicts. forgive and forget, and for heaven's sake, change for better! its always good to tell the partner if you don't feel happy on how you're being treated, on how you feel lonely, on how you want to be respected whatsoever. people forget, thats the reason they need to be reminded. confront and listen to explanations. after all, that's the person who owns your heart that you're dealing with. so who else knows best about your relationship other than you and your partner? a point to ponder. just like you, getting mad and feeling angry is not your partner's hobby- a common sense. so, talk and work things out, and leave the rest to the almighty.

pardon me, i might not be the best person to give these advices, as i am still learning to be a good partner to my significant half. and i too, turn to my besties when i face problems. but i just thought that by reminding others, i am reminding myself as well. and i know my love would read this somehow, so this will also be useful to us both :) of course i love it when my boyfriend and i finish each others' sentences, how we understand what any of us wants just by looking at the face and gestures, how we can be very intuitive of what any of us are doing at a particular hour, how we read each other's minds on certain subjects. but that's not all. these traits actually comes slowly, throughout the relationship itself- through the changes we see in both of us; habits, needs, likes, dislikes. and again let me tell you, a healthy relationship requires hard work. hard, but not impossible :)

p/s:

don't let something good go just because you had a bad time together. think about the sweet memories you have together, wouldn't that be enough to make you stay?

*wah. matang sungguh :P

*one day, imma write books. good books.

love,

yasmin

well, reality bites

Behind all the joy and laughter, there isn't always a happy person. Sometimes, you try so hard to seem that you're doing fine, but truth has it you're lying to yourself. Perhaps you tend to think that no one notices but the ones that truly care can sense that deep down, you're not the least bit close to being okay. - nad

p/s: coz life's like that.

haan tumhe hum chahte hain

main agar chup rahon, tujhko hi toh suno
main agar kuch kahoon, ohh teri ho sadaa

main jahan ab jao, tujhko hi sang pao
chahon ki na chaho, ki tu dikhe har jagah

p/s: i miss you baby.

saya takut

saya takut. for those who knows what i'm going through currently, i thank you for listening. its just so hard to face this phase, because i don't want the same thing to happen again this time around, not after i've been through so many things, met so many people and spent so much time on something that at the end of the day its just not being given credit upon. this is rather frustrating, but i know this is something that i have to go through, i have to be strong of.

takut. takut. takut. more like traumatised by it. the feeling of insecurity over something that i've worked hard on, that i've put efforts on, something that would have been easy if i am able to turn back time, indeed i will resort to a different thing. until today i blame myself for choosing something that i thought i can write best on, rather than something that i can write easily on. i blame myself for that, for being too sure that i would nail it just like that at that time, just because i know a lot about it. little that i know it is indeed really difficult to please other people. yes, someone who says something in front of me, and gives a completely different result later on. i fail to understand why, i pray i would know why.

my boyf has always been the one i turn to, the one i spilled my concerns to. i always told him that i am scared, that i would not know how to face it if the same thing is gonna happen again. until at one point, i can sense that he is getting bored with the same story of me being scared. yes, maybe i'm pushing myself too hard. yes, maybe i'm too scared of something that is not certain yet. but i can't help it. rahim also always told me that i'm always worried for nothing, so did ika. but again, i can't help it. i don't want to feel the same breakdown i felt not too long ago, although i know by thinking about it now would not change anything, but it only will make me less happy.

i'm praying hard. i'm praying hard. i'm praying hard. and now i'm seeking help from all my readers, all my friends, to pray together with me. to pray so that i will be strong no matter what the outcome would be, and to pray so that the same thing will not repeat again. and to pray so that i'm protected from bad people around me. please, pray for me, pray with me. insyaallah, ramadhan is a good month to pray, insyaallah those who prays would be granted.

Ya Allah, please give me strength.

hoping for a miracle,

me

remind me to remind you

"O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous," al-Baqarah [2:183]

let us make the best out o this ramadhan, shall we? we might not have the chance to do so anymore. i believe i need to make some self-fixing. how about you? :)

love,

noor yasmin